Yes, Life Coaches have challenges, too!

Being a Certified Personal Life & Happiness Coach certainly doesn't mean that we live perfect, trouble-free lives; it simply means that we are trained to be equipped with the tools necessary to face challenges and work through them without disrupting everything else in our lives.

I've been asked how I can claim to BE a coach when I often am very verbal *especially on my social media private page* about challenges that I face in my own life. To that, I reply, EVERYONE faces challenges. EVERYONE has hardships. How many people do you know, personally, that live perfect lives? Exactly! NO ONE. Sure, some people's challenges seem insignificant compared to others unless YOU are the one with that particular challenge, right?

I'll share with you my most-recent challenge and tell you the solution that allowed me to let it go and move forward, ok? I'm going to speak in general terms here so as not to distract your attention from the general issue here, which will make it easier to apply the mindset in your own life. Ok, here we go!

My most-recent challenge came from dealing with someone in my personal life that is a 'taker' and NOT a 'giver.' In my job, as a coach, and as a mom, I try to teach those around me that you are to treat people the way that YOU would like to be treated, regardless of how others treat you; YOU are in control of what you send out in this world and it has nothing to do with another person's behavior or actions. It's your reaction to their actions that send out YOUR vibrations. The Universe will send back TO us that which we send out FROM us. Well, there are times when we will encounter those who will take full advantage of that mentality and use it to drain you - of your love, your energy and, often times, your joy. So, what do you do?

You HAVE to set boundaries for yourself and learn to say "NO!" Allowing someone to continuously 'use' you for your kindness is a sign of low-self esteem; the 'if I love them enough, they'll love me back' mentality. As a coach, I've gotten lost in that very mindset. Someone close to me just kept taking, taking, taking and, the more that I gave, the more he took and the less he gave. How do you think that it made me feel? Exactly! Unworthy. Unloved. Unlovable. My 'issues', right? Right! So, it took me a LONG time to see the pattern and then quite some time to end it. How, you ask? *and this is where my training FINALLY kicked in!* I had to declare that I was important! I had to admit that there was a problem with how I continued to allow myself to take a back seat to what I thought someone else 'needed' and put myself FIRST! Yes, FIRST!

When you constantly place others ahead of you, you're not truly helping anyone. And, yes, I'm talking about your children, too! You can't take care of ANYONE unless you take care of YOURSELF first! How can you guide your children to have happy, well-adjusted and joyful lives if you don't? How can you have the energy to deal with your own life if you continuously allow others to suck out all of your energy while dealing with them? *yes, there ARE Vampires among us! Energy Vampires!* My solution was to stop giving to my personal Vampire; no going out of my way to do things for him, no going the extra mile to make his life easier. I just stopped. And, do you know what? I felt FREE! Even as a trained coach, I had hidden expectations of reciprocity and didn't really realize it until AFTER I had stopped allowing myself to be used as a doormat! I no longer allowed myself to feel guilty if there was something that he claimed to 'need' that I didn't take care of!

Now, I'm not advising that you rid yourself of these people all-together; what I suggest, and what I did in my own personal situation, is, rather than getting pulled into their chaos, come to recognize the behaviors in others that drain life from you and what they are trying to gain from those behaviors. Often, they could use some guidance or support in handling their own issues. When you realize what they really need, you can choose to direct them in achieving the results for themselves rather than relying on others. They are often not even aware of their behaviors, how to recognize their own emotional needs, or even realize that they can solve a problem themselves by changing their habits or routines. So this may require some delicate discussions as you point out their behavior and provide some firm and detailed directions as you educate and push them into taking responsibility for themselves. Of course, if you’re dealing with abusive people, take caution in how you approach this, as the goal here is to ease the effects of a life sucker, not increase them.

Learning to say 'no' to my Vampire allowed me to say 'yes' to MY needs. It allowed me more energy to say 'yes' to my children's needs! It allowed me to recognize that being kind to others INCLUDES being kind to yourself. In ANY relationship there HAVE to be boundaries. Learning to recognize a non-reciprocal, energy sucker will not only help you open your life to more loving energy coming in but will also allow you to offer that outgoing love to those that will pay it forward.

I hope that this has allowed some insight into, not only my world, but also into why, when you're around certain people, you feel as if the life has been sucked out of you once you've left their company. Yes, Vampires ARE real and, hopefully, I've given you the wooden stake to rid your life of your own personal Vampires.

The re-education of THIS Life Coach

I am a certified personal life and happiness coach. This is my DREAM job, ok? Rather than taking the year and a half it SHOULD have taken me to obtain and pass my certification testing, I spent EVERY WAKING MOMENT that my kids were at school to work diligently at getting my education and understanding so that I could help others create, and have, the life of their dreams as quickly as humanly possible. With me at their side, they were ASSURED to get there!

For the past 3 years I have done very little coaching. I became ill in 2011 and have been fighting for my life ever since. My focus has been on many things, coaching not being one of them. Self pity? Yes. The unfairness of life? Yes. Anger? Yes.

For the last 3 years; after 67 emergency room visits, 17 hospitalizations - with 3 of them beginning in the Intensive Care Unit on a by-pap machine that had to breathe FOR me because I was unable to breathe on my own, I began to ask the questions of my own body that I would have asked of any of my clients; why am I not able to heal? Our bodies make BILLIONS of new cells every day. We re-grow an ENTIRELY new body every 7 years or so...so why is MY body keeping me sick? I began to read...no, DEVOUR, any book I could find on new biology and new science and the documentation and proof of self-healing. I've fallen in love with Bruce Lipton and his fabulous mind, with Lissa Rankin and her knowledge and acceptance of the modern medical community to treat the dis-eases themselves and only treat the symptoms. I have opened my mind, body and soul to WANTING healing to happen within me but without success. Granted, oftentimes there'd be WEEKS of PERFECT health - no rescue inhalers, no nebulizer/Albuterol breathing treatments and no steroids...only to wake up in the middle of the night to, yet again, grasping for air.

Now, as a life and happiness coach, one of the most important things that I teach my clients is that your thoughts create your life; change your attitude to one of gratitude and it creates miracles in your life, almost IMMEDIATELY. Wanting to practice what I preach, I tried to focus on ANYTHING positive in each situation; maybe it was a hot, young doctor in the ER, or a handsome nurse or paramedic - but I ALWAYS looked for SOMETHING. Well, after 3 years, it gets difficult, to say the least, to find SOMETHING positive in a recurring situation. After trying craniosacral therapy and acupuncture, I was starting to feel desperate. Having no insurance and being unable to work because of my illness makes affordability a HUGE deal to me. I LOVED acupuncture but, with a daughter graduating from high school and another in middle school, priorities get blurred. It became more important to feed the kids than to attend my next acupuncture appointment.

My last hospitalization ended just 3 days ago. While in the hospital THIS time, I became REALLY anxious and aware of the fact that the doctors aren't even interested in testing me to see WHY I'm ill - they're only interested in 'managing' my symptoms. Two doctors have now told me to 'accept the diagnosis and learn to live with it." - something that I was UNWILLING to do. Desperate and depressed, I reached out to an angel...my friend Jacqueline. I asked her if she knew of ANYONE that did energy healing or readings to see WHY my body is not being allowed to heal like I KNOW it SHOULD....this turned out to be one of THE best decisions that I have EVER made. Jacqueline introduced me to another Earth Angel named Jolisa. We spoke briefly on the phone and made our first appointment so that she would come by the day after I returned home from the hospital.

Not sure what to expect, I was excited. Hopeful. Anticipating answers. What I got was nothing NEAR what I had expected to learn - especially about myself. YEARS of turmoil, choices, feelings, pain and misunderstanding came to an end during that first meeting. I'm a life coach. I HAVE knowledge. I am AWARE of how our lives unfold based upon what we 'put out' there. This stuff I KNOW, right? Well, this amazing woman, in a matter of two hours, not only blew my mind but enlightened me to things in myself that I wasn't even AWARE of. Things that I thought I had brought to the surface and handled were NOT. The proverbial walls that I had built as a child to protect myself from abuse had thought to be torn down...but they were NOT. I was hiding behind them without even realizing it. Learning about old, subconscious patterns and learning of my OWN failure to assess 'gut reactions' has what's kept me sick all this time! I'm STILL trying to wrap my head around all that I learned in those 2 hours. I wish I had recorded it or taken notes...my head spins just THINKING about it!

I feel like, at the age of 47, my life is JUST NOW beginning! I'm in the process of setting myself free of all of those unconscious patterns and habits that have kept me trapped and blaming 'them' for my discomfort, or feelings of insignificance, or unworthiness.....I never, EVER would have believed you, if you had told me before Friday, that I react to my husband the VERY SAME WAY I reacted to my father as a child...NEVER. Now, I can tell you, I SEE it! I SEE how I hid behind, not only my illness, but also other 'traumatic' things in my life so that I could FEEL something....not any more.

I'm on my path to healing. There will be some huge changes coming up for me and those around me - some may not be very comfortable for others but they will have to learn to deal with THEIR feelings as I'm learning to do now. I have always told myself that I am worthy - of love, of attention, of live and happiness; however, now I BELIEVE it, from the bottom of my soul....and anyone that doesn't see me with that value won't be around to devalue me any more. I'm excited to delve deep into this new and exciting chapter of my life and then to be able to pass the knowledge and love on to my clients in the future.

This, ladies and gentlemen, has been the re-education of a life coach. Love and light to you all.