The "New" me vs. the "Old" me

So, here we are....SO close to Christmas that the scent of freshly cut trees is EVERYWHERE! *smiles*

With all of the health problems that have plagued my poor, fighting body within the past year, I've rarely had time to focus on anything else.

Yesterday, after over a week of living with an extreme allergic reaction covering my entire body, I had a day of reprieve; no rash! Our annual trip to our little, local holiday parade was before me and, even though I wasn't feeling my best, we decided to take our youngest daughter to the parade and festival.

We all got ready to go and I actually felt well enough to 'do' my hair, put on my usual minimal makeup (eye liner, mascara and lipstick) and out the door we went! We walked and walked and walked *and ate, lol* and, on the way home in the car, my husband remarked about how 'nice' it was that I had gotten 'dressed' to go out in public, did the time to do my hair and put on my makeup....without skipping a beat, I said 'well, I don't think that there's anything wrong with the 'natural' me.' Embarrassed, he stuttered 'there's isn't, you're beautiful without it but...'

The 'old' me would have been mortified and offended - how DARE he suggest that I'm not 'good enough' without all of that?!?!? *LOL* But the 'me' of today is totally secure and happy with the way that I look - no makeup and all. I've never really been one to wear much makeup anyway, but as of late, I wear absolutely nothing but a little pink tinted lip gloss. The 'old' me would never have gone out in public without blow drying my hair, putting on my eye makeup and making sure that I'm 'dressed to impress'.....and boy am I glad to have bid her 'adieu'!

Don't get me wrong, I take pride in my appearance. I just believe that I am a beautiful spirit EXACTLY as I am and love being able to walk around Au-natural!

The 'old' me had all of these hang-ups about what people may 'think' but the 'new' me knows that the opinion that matters most is MINE. It's what I believe about myself that effects me....not what anyone else thinks. I know that my beliefs about myself directly affect how brightly my light shines out into this world; and I can assure you that my light can't get much brighter!

Training to become a coach has helped me to understand how to become a better person by allowing me to evaluate my own life and the example that I want to set for my children. We are all beautiful creations with the ability to shine brighter than the sun. All we have to do is get out of our own way. The easiest way to begin? Stop judging....yourself and everyone else. See your own beauty. See your own light. Shine brightly and never let the judgmental opinion of anyone else *including television commercials, magazines or even 'friends'* make you feel less than the perfect creation of love that you REALLY and TRULY are.

The old me would have punished my husband for weeks for speaking his truth and then punished myself for months, hell, even years, for not 'being perfect'....but the new me LOVES who I am and all that I've become and can't wait to see how much better we can be in the years to come. WE are in control of this life - let's live it peacefully, in love and light so that, maybe, down the road, we can be 'the example' that people want to live by.

Love, light and all of the blessings of this amazing holiday season.

Trying to live like the Dalai Lama in a world of more darkness than light

So here I sit. Thinking about all that's transpired in the last few months and wondering what I've been creating for my future.

My goal in this life is to learn to live life and love as His holiness, the Dalai Lama, does - unconditionally and without judgment. This, however, has proven to be much more difficult than I had anticipated.

Over the last 10 years I have worked diligently to change my life and have done so in wonderful and loving ways; however, I wind up still being 'me'. As a very strong, independent, smart and stubborn female, I have found it very difficult to let go of my, rather strong, opinions. I generally do so without intention of harm but, as humans are, someone always seems to get offended. So, do I apologize for my beliefs/opinions or do I forgive their judgment even though they do not forgive mine?

His holiness, the Dalai Lama, teaches that we should all love unconditionally with compassion so that we can change the Earth and I love the concept and idealism behind His teachings and wish for nothing less for the ENTIRE planet - I mean, could you IMAGINE a world without war, famine, murder???? We would reside in Heaven right here on Earth!!! While trying to grasp, understand and integrate His teachings into my every day life and the lives of my children, I find it extremely difficult to utilize these ideals when certain 'challenges' are in front of me. For instance, the drama that I was dragged into by a high school bully whom verbally attacked my daughter during school - and then used one of MY personal Facebook posts, completely unrelated to her, *from my PRIVATE personal page* to cause even MORE drama, dragging me into her narcissistic, low-self esteemed world....I find it REALLY hard to send love to someone whom is SO horrible, hateful, destructive and selfish, even though I am VERY aware that she needs the love even MORE than anyone else.

My difficulty is with allowing people like that to share in ANY of my, or my daughter's, energies because we are fully aware that we are all connected to everyone and everything and that this person's energy effects us whether we want to admit it or not. The adults surrounding this drama had decided, before even speaking with me, that this 'poor victim child' was truthful and that I was a liar. That, to me, is the ultimate insult. And, this girl has cussed out teachers at this school!!! Anyone whom knows me knows that I am not afraid to tell someone exactly what I think of them - and never have been. Yet, this girl and her mother go into the school and cause a HUGE problem using posts from MY page - which she shouldn't even have access to - to help ease HER guilty conscience. Perhaps if someone had taught her how to properly deal with her envy, she wouldn't have said those horrible things about my daughter and no one would have thought twice about my unrelated posts HOURS after her nasty, filthy mouth ran....oh, wait..there I go again.....I told you I was having trouble. Do you know what I would do if that were MY daughter speaking that way of another person? Oh, wait, I'd never have to worry about that because my daughter isn't LIKE that - she was raised to rise above things and to be a better person than that.

So, again, as I work diligently at trying to utilize the lessons I've learned, I find myself challenged. These 'adults' at school are enabling this nasty, abusive child to continue her bullying ways by, first, listening to her 'victim' speech knowing FULL WELL that she is a problem child at school and, secondly, by disallowing me to chaperon my daughter on trips, etc. while allowing this girl and her coddling mother to go, leaving my daughter even MORE vulnerable to a bullying abuser and one of the people responsible for her horrific behavior and attitude. I teach my children that the energy you 'put out' in this world comes back to you ten-fold and they behave accordingly. When something like this comes up, I just don't know how to explain it other than sometimes darkness and evil are sometimes stronger than goodness and light and that, one day, goodness and light WILL prevail. If nothing else, we use this example as the kind of people we DON'T want to be. Someone whom self-loathes ALWAYS picks on others whom are full of love and light and that's what's happened here. How do I forgive and send love to someone SO FULL OF HATRED and darkness??? I'm trying, that's all I can promise. I have to keep aware and my daughter also has to stay aware but we can't let this rule us or change who we are. Some people can be lured and fooled by the evil ones but we're not going to allow that to happen to us.

I will continue to teach my children and to work with them as we try to live the teachings of His holiness because we WANT to live in world that's not 'us against them,' war and a world that's run using fear; we want to live in a world that's full of love, support, compassion and kindness. And we're told that love and kindness are contagious - and THAT is the kind of pandemic we want to see. <3

As this journey continues, I'm sure there will be some whom are angry at this post, as well. All I can say is that, as for right now, we celebrate freedom of speech. If you do not like my words, then don't read them. I radiate love at every conscious moment; however, that doesn't mean that I'm not going to protect those that I love or fight for truth.

What if EVERYONE lived their lives in a constant state of love?

Well, hello there!!

For those of you whom know me, personally, you're aware that I have just been released from the hospital after a near-fatal allergic reaction to a common over-the-counter pain medication. After 24-hours in ICU, I spent the next 3 days trying to understand what messages my body was trying to tell me and that I'm not 'hearing.'

While in the hospital I was able to catch up on my reading *because everyone KNOWS that they don't let you sleep* and finished an amazing book by Bruce Lipton and Steve Bhaerman entitled "Spontaneous Evolution." This book is an incredible look into 'New Science/New Biology' and goes into detail as to how EVERY SINGLE cell (50 trillion of them) respond to EVERY thought that we think and EVERY emotion we feel - especially those emotions that are the strongest; ie, love, hate, envy and fear. In this book, Bruce and Steve discuss scientific experiments that prove, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that love slows the growth of cancer cells!!! Just the emotion!! No chemo, no radiation...pure love. Now, I'm simplifying, of course. This book is well over 350 pages and is chock FULL of experiments, facts and history.

The premise held within the pages of this book is that we, as living organisms that share this amazing and LIVING planet, are all one - related. Every bit of energy that we are effects everyone and every thing around us. Take a few moments and ponder something - for yourself and for me; where is your 'feeling' center based? Are you based in fear? (of some impending illness, money problems, loneliness) Are you based in anger?(someone's just cut you off in traffic, your marriage is rocky) Where are you right now? In this very moment?

Now, imagine that THIS VERY MOMENT is predicating your life - now and in the future? Is where you are NOW where you want to be? What if changing where you are RIGHT now could not only change YOUR life but also the lives of everyone whom crosses your path *and billions whom do not*?? What if you stopped judging everyone, including yourself, and looked upon every thing and every one as a source of unconditional love? What if? We seem to have been programmed to believe that this life is about 'the survival of the fittest' - we are raised to believe that conflict and competition are how we're supposed to spend our time here. Do you believe that?

Let's take a brief look inside our own bodies and you'll see just how amazing and awe-inspiring that we are.....over 50 trillion cells make up the 'person' that you see when you look into the mirror. Each collective group of cells have a specific job to do - kidneys, liver, bladder, heart....all working together, simultaneously. Every single cell has its purpose. Every single cell acts and responds to its stimulus outside of itself to decide which proteins to make/utilize for optimal health. Each cell takes its 'cues' from outside itself but within us. We are the orchestrator of this beautiful symphony of oneness that happens every nano-second of every day. Always working, always 'listening' and always responding.

Now, let's go back to our evaluation above; how do you think your cells respond when you're angry? Unhappy? If what we FEEL affects HOW we feel then doesn't it make sense to focus on feeling positive, loving feelings as often as possible for optimum health? Yes, it does. Ahhhh, "but how do we DO that?" you ask *smiles*...well, we start right here and right now! Make a pact with yourself to practice love...yep, practice love. When someone pushes one of your hot buttons, try and stop yourself from feeling any of those negative emotions that *normally* follow and focus on a feeling of love. Sound easy? Yes, it does but it's going to take some practice! We are creatures of habit. Our patterns, behavior and otherwise, are engraved as subconscious, automatic responses that were developed from conception until we were about 6 years old - yeah, tough habits to break BUT they ARE breakable! Start now...small changes equal HUGE vibrational changes.

Just imagine if EVERYONE on the planet shifted their energy to that of one of pure love!! No famine. No war. No murder. Only love. We are all in this together. We can, collectively, change our world. What are we waiting for?

How do you know it's time to let someone go?

Hello again! I hope that you've all had a restful and fun Memorial Day weekend! We sure did. Our family did a photo shoot with an amazing local photographer, Janeen Kelley (www.janeenkelley.com) and had an absolute blast!

You know when something wonderful happens and you just want to share it with all of your friends? You know how good that feels, right? Well, what happens when that 'friend' doesn't feel the joy that you're sharing, but is full of envy instead? Sometimes the process of recognizing someone else's un-happiness with our happiness takes a really long time.

My recent experience is another lesson in this life for me and it's well-accepted and welcomed. You see, I had this 'friend' from over 20 years ago that I had lost touch with over the years; well, to be precise, she stopped answering the phone when I called her, didn't answer letters that I had written her and then *POOF* upon Facebook she came - wielding a friend request. I accepted and we tried our best to catch up on all that we had missed. She fell in love with my love of Shabby Chic and my decorating style and began to emulate it. She had been married to the guy that had gotten her pregnant, back in our partying days, since their wedding in 1989 or 1990 *I can't remember* and I had been married, divorced, married, divorced again and now re-married *to the love of my life.* Admiring her and her husband's drive to stay married I was happy for them. They had beat the odds, right?

Well, apparently not. After sharing, with the FB world, that she would be divorcing her husband now that their kids had turned 18 and gone off to college, I was shocked. Even before we had lost touch she never had mentioned being anything other than happy - at times, allowing me to feel like a failure because I had divorced twice. You see, I don't like to live unhappily. I believe that a marriage is a partnership; that it's 50 - 50 in which ever way you'd like to split it. For instance, right now my husband works his butt off so that I can stay home with our girls and focus on my coaching. In return, I cook, clean, do the laundry and grocery shopping. Before you roll your eyes, these the household responsibilities that he and I would share when I worked outside of the household, too. Yeah, it's like that. I expect my husband to be my best friend and won't settle for less. Do you?

As a coach, my job is to find out where you want to be and help you to get there. What kind of coach would I be if I didn't practice what I 'preach?' I believe in our individual rights to happiness; however you may find it.

So, fast forward; things had started to get a little, um, strange within this friendship. I will add that, as a coach, a human being and a new scientist, I don't believe in judging ANYONE, ok? If you are my friend and you do things that I would NEVER, EVER even consider doing then that's your business; however, if you ask for my direction and guidance you will get nothing but the truth. Whether you like what I have to say or not. Just like I expect from my *true* friends. This 'friend' began to lie in wait until I'd post something on my personal Facebook wall then attack - taking special aim at my husband. Coach or not, don't insult my family...if you have a problem with me, bring it privately, not on my Facebook wall. Not understanding what's going on, I sent her a private message asking if there was a problem that I hadn't been made aware of - was told no and so I forgave and moved on. Well, the abusive behavior continued - on my wall - for the next couple of weeks. I'd delete comments and let it be. I'm a coach after all...I KNOW that what we focus on comes to us.

One day not too long ago, she posted a status on her page that I found a little odd but let it go - it wasn't my post. My brother commented on her post in a manner that was quite appropriate based upon her status update and I replied with "hahahahahahahaha." That's it; 'hahahahahahaha.' When I come back to the computer later on in the evening I find a post on my COACHING page wherein she called me names, like a child and questioned my coaching training. Well, that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back....I'd had enough of her snide remarks, her verbal jabs at my husband and her straight-up mean girl attitude so I messaged her and asked her what she was so upset about - her response was pure anger. So much anger that she started hurling insults towards me that she HAD to have been holding on to for YEARS because none of it applied to any time within the last 2 decades!!! She actually had the nerve to criticize me for being married 3 times....this from a woman whom ADMITS to living in a loveless marriage for over 20 years?! I believe that envy had reared its ugly head and that the real problem she has with me is my ability and willingness to live a happy life. I believe that we are only here for a short time and we should enjoy every moment we possibly can. I make my own decisions and never, ever ask anyone else to live with the consequences. If I want out of a marriage, I file for divorce BEFORE dating AND have never, ever had to tell un-truths, on a dating site or anywhere else, to meet someone. My husband and I have hit our speed bumps in the last 12 years but we rode them out TOGETHER. Our kids are stronger for watching us fight for the love that we have for one another and we are still as much in love now as we were 12 years ago. In my experience, we are very, VERY blessed. My husband, the kids and I are all blessed. It didn't come without hard work and a lot of sacrifice. Tough decisions were made at times and we hoped for the best. We are blessed and we are VERY aware of it. Our efforts are sometimes hourly - but we put in the work. If it hadn't been for my own coach 10 years ago, we probably wouldn't be here. I was also an angry, envious and bitter soul. Not wanting to take responsibility for my own happiness, I blamed everyone else. BUT - I made changes. I did the work. I am VERY comfortable within my own skin and absolutely LOVE who I am and who I've become - but it took years of work to get here. Now we all benefit from it. It only takes the decision to change and the effort for the first few steps...that's it. The rest becomes easy.

So, back to my question...how do you know that it's time to let someone go? When that person brings into your life more sadness than happiness. When you feel like you're walking on *proverbial* eggshells - whether you're in the same room or on the same social networking page. When you almost feel ashamed to proclaim JUST how happy you are in your life because you don't want 'them' to feel badly. Hanging on to someone that is a constant supply of negative energy only douses your positivity and your light of love. It isn't easy but it is necessary. Release them with love. Wish them well. Whenever they come to mind just stop feeling the negativity they offered and send them love. Let the Universe open up that space for someone who will love you, themselves and their lives JUST as much as you do. You can't help anyone else - unless they're open to love.
Shared with love and light with every breath. <3

Whose voice IS that, anyway?

For my very first 'official' blog post I have chosen a subject that is VERY close to my core-being; as I'm sure it is with many of us. Men and women alike.

What's your VERY FIRST THOUGHT whenever you look at yourself in the mirror *or any other reflective surface*?

What does that voice inside your head say to you in those first seconds of catching a glimpse at yourself?

For a lot of us, those first few seconds tell us something like this: "Omgosh, LOOK at that gray hair!" "Where did THOSE wrinkles come from?" "Why can't I look like *insert celebrity name here*? "How did I gain so much weight?" "Ugh."

Sound familiar? They used to be my first thoughts, too!

Are you aware of 'the voice' yet? Have you ever stopped to wonder whose voice it actually IS? I can guarantee that it isn't yours! When we were born, we knew that we were perfect, whole, beautiful and complete - EXACTLY the way we were!!! Not IF we lost 10 lbs. NOT if we had blonde/brown/red hair. NOT if we had so-and-so's eyes/lips/breasts/stomach. Nope. Exactly as we were.

So, how did we transition from knowing, inherently, that we were perfect exactly as we were to this person that rips themselves apart whenever we see our own reflections? "They" did it, right? The kids at school, the media, society and perhaps even our parents - they all played their role, right?

Wrong. We can only believe in what 'they' say if we allow ourselves to buy into what 'they' say! If you watch television, like so many of us do on a regular basis, here's a little assignment that I'd like you to participate in; keep a paper and pen handy and in one hour's of viewing, count the number of commercials that tell us that we're 'not enough'. By 'not enough' I mean; are we too fat, too wrinkled, hair's the wrong color, we need to 'cover' our skin with make-up in order to be presentable, we don't have the right clothes, body isn't well enough...well, you see what I'm getting it, right? Keep track of those commercials and also, while watching, keep count of any commercial that tells us that we're just perfect exactly the way we are and what a great job we're doing! I'll be willing to bet that, without even counting, you know what the answer will be, right? All of those condemning commercials, mixed with all that 'they' had to say about us as we grew up (and often still into adult hood)have found their way into our minds. We believe them; we aren't 'good enough.'

Now, tell me...whose voice IS it when you look into the mirror? Loving yourself in THIS VERY MOMENT, just as you are...not 'if' or 'when' but RIGHT NOW...will open a whole new life for you! We are all unique and that's an amazing thing. We are ALL beautiful. Each and every one of us. When you can look into that mirror and stop 'the voice' from picking you apart, your whole world shifts. Confidence soars. Life becomes easier!

I'm sure you're wondering how to shut 'it' up now, aren't you? Here's what worked for me and many, many others; when you first look into that mirror and 'the voice' says ANYTHING even remotely negative I want you to stop the thought AS SOON AS you catch it; thank 'the voice' for sharing and then say ONE nice thing about yourself as you look at your reflection - preferably into you r own eyes. This MAY feel awkward the first few times you try it but it gets easier every time you do it.

Before long you will no longer hear 'the voice' when you look at your beautiful reflection in the mirror! The voice that replaces it is the voice of love; YOUR voice.

We can't love others freely and completely unless we first learn to love ourselves without condition. We ARE perfect just the way we are. We ARE beautiful right now, in this moment. What you believe becomes your truth. What's your truth? Whose voice do you WANT to hear when you look into the mirror?

You can love yourself and your life starting right now. What are you waiting for?