You know when something wonderful happens and you just want to share it with all of your friends? You know how good that feels, right? Well, what happens when that 'friend' doesn't feel the joy that you're sharing, but is full of envy instead? Sometimes the process of recognizing someone else's un-happiness with our happiness takes a really long time.
My recent experience is another lesson in this life for me and it's well-accepted and welcomed. You see, I had this 'friend' from over 20 years ago that I had lost touch with over the years; well, to be precise, she stopped answering the phone when I called her, didn't answer letters that I had written her and then *POOF* upon Facebook she came - wielding a friend request. I accepted and we tried our best to catch up on all that we had missed. She fell in love with my love of Shabby Chic and my decorating style and began to emulate it. She had been married to the guy that had gotten her pregnant, back in our partying days, since their wedding in 1989 or 1990 *I can't remember* and I had been married, divorced, married, divorced again and now re-married *to the love of my life.* Admiring her and her husband's drive to stay married I was happy for them. They had beat the odds, right?
Well, apparently not. After sharing, with the FB world, that she would be divorcing her husband now that their kids had turned 18 and gone off to college, I was shocked. Even before we had lost touch she never had mentioned being anything other than happy - at times, allowing me to feel like a failure because I had divorced twice. You see, I don't like to live unhappily. I believe that a marriage is a partnership; that it's 50 - 50 in which ever way you'd like to split it. For instance, right now my husband works his butt off so that I can stay home with our girls and focus on my coaching. In return, I cook, clean, do the laundry and grocery shopping. Before you roll your eyes, these the household responsibilities that he and I would share when I worked outside of the household, too. Yeah, it's like that. I expect my husband to be my best friend and won't settle for less. Do you?
As a coach, my job is to find out where you want to be and help you to get there. What kind of coach would I be if I didn't practice what I 'preach?' I believe in our individual rights to happiness; however you may find it.
So, fast forward; things had started to get a little, um, strange within this friendship. I will add that, as a coach, a human being and a new scientist, I don't believe in judging ANYONE, ok? If you are my friend and you do things that I would NEVER, EVER even consider doing then that's your business; however, if you ask for my direction and guidance you will get nothing but the truth. Whether you like what I have to say or not. Just like I expect from my *true* friends. This 'friend' began to lie in wait until I'd post something on my personal Facebook wall then attack - taking special aim at my husband. Coach or not, don't insult my family...if you have a problem with me, bring it privately, not on my Facebook wall. Not understanding what's going on, I sent her a private message asking if there was a problem that I hadn't been made aware of - was told no and so I forgave and moved on. Well, the abusive behavior continued - on my wall - for the next couple of weeks. I'd delete comments and let it be. I'm a coach after all...I KNOW that what we focus on comes to us.
One day not too long ago, she posted a status on her page that I found a little odd but let it go - it wasn't my post. My brother commented on her post in a manner that was quite appropriate based upon her status update and I replied with "hahahahahahahaha." That's it; 'hahahahahahaha.' When I come back to the computer later on in the evening I find a post on my COACHING page wherein she called me names, like a child and questioned my coaching training. Well, that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back....I'd had enough of her snide remarks, her verbal jabs at my husband and her straight-up mean girl attitude so I messaged her and asked her what she was so upset about - her response was pure anger. So much anger that she started hurling insults towards me that she HAD to have been holding on to for YEARS because none of it applied to any time within the last 2 decades!!! She actually had the nerve to criticize me for being married 3 times....this from a woman whom ADMITS to living in a loveless marriage for over 20 years?! I believe that envy had reared its ugly head and that the real problem she has with me is my ability and willingness to live a happy life. I believe that we are only here for a short time and we should enjoy every moment we possibly can. I make my own decisions and never, ever ask anyone else to live with the consequences. If I want out of a marriage, I file for divorce BEFORE dating AND have never, ever had to tell un-truths, on a dating site or anywhere else, to meet someone. My husband and I have hit our speed bumps in the last 12 years but we rode them out TOGETHER. Our kids are stronger for watching us fight for the love that we have for one another and we are still as much in love now as we were 12 years ago. In my experience, we are very, VERY blessed. My husband, the kids and I are all blessed. It didn't come without hard work and a lot of sacrifice. Tough decisions were made at times and we hoped for the best. We are blessed and we are VERY aware of it. Our efforts are sometimes hourly - but we put in the work. If it hadn't been for my own coach 10 years ago, we probably wouldn't be here. I was also an angry, envious and bitter soul. Not wanting to take responsibility for my own happiness, I blamed everyone else. BUT - I made changes. I did the work. I am VERY comfortable within my own skin and absolutely LOVE who I am and who I've become - but it took years of work to get here. Now we all benefit from it. It only takes the decision to change and the effort for the first few steps...that's it. The rest becomes easy.
So, back to my question...how do you know that it's time to let someone go? When that person brings into your life more sadness than happiness. When you feel like you're walking on *proverbial* eggshells - whether you're in the same room or on the same social networking page. When you almost feel ashamed to proclaim JUST how happy you are in your life because you don't want 'them' to feel badly. Hanging on to someone that is a constant supply of negative energy only douses your positivity and your light of love. It isn't easy but it is necessary. Release them with love. Wish them well. Whenever they come to mind just stop feeling the negativity they offered and send them love. Let the Universe open up that space for someone who will love you, themselves and their lives JUST as much as you do. You can't help anyone else - unless they're open to love.
Shared with love and light with every breath. <3
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